I have always been very aware of what I think other people think of me. I generally think on the positive side, but negative ideas seep in, and sometimes they can upset me. But how much of those negative thoughts are in my head? For instance, ever since I started theological school, I have noticed that even people that I have known for a long time, have changed their mind on who they think I am. A small example would be general reluctance to using foul language around me. Before a person might have sworn up a storm not thinking twice, but now they are more reserved, and curb the use of bad words.
This is a good thing in some ways. We should try not to use offensive language. But my brain comes to a different conclusion... What, do they think that I'm a prude now or something? Why do they think they need to act differently around me? I am still the same person they knew last year!
But maybe it is not a response to me, maybe it is a respect for the representation of my future profession. I don't really know.
So why is it important?
Ok, so there are two different ways that I could react to other peoples opinions of me. I can obsess over them, allow what I think, they think of me, to dictate who I am, and only look interiorly at myself. Or, I can use my perception of what I think they think, to look outside of myself, to see how I can become a better friend to them, a better neighbor, a person that they can confide in. Both circumstances, use the same set of mental statistics. But one is selfish, while the other is loving.
So, does it matter what other people think of you? I think that like all things, it is the way that we react to the cards we are given. They can be used productively or destructively.
Any thoughts?
I think we have to be careful about how we respond to how we think other people are thinking. We can imagine all sorts of motivations (good or bad) for what other people do and how they act around us, and we often don't base these thoughts on anything other than our own experience. So before we start becoming defensive, or attempting to "help," I think it's important to figure out why we are attributing a specific motivation to a specific person.
ReplyDeleteThe only way to really know why a person is responding in a certain way is to ask! Then we can really choose how we want their reaction to affect us.
Great point Tamera!
ReplyDeleteGetting all of the information necessary to make an educated decision is always advised. Especially when it comes to how we decided to act in life.
Taking nothing from the way other people perceive us is a blind way to live, while overreacting, or acting to quickly based on a whim, can be destructive.
Thanks for your comment.
From way out of left field: autistic kids lack the ability to care, or even know, about what anyone thinks of them. I would love to have that "lack" too.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that. I really wonder what that would be like. It is interesting that autism is also accompanied by a profound innocence, that I would think protects them from being overtaken by evil inclinations that would otherwise, for the rest of us, take over if we were not worried about the repercussions, or worried about what other people think of us.
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